Years ago a young lady living with psoriasis inboxed me and shared her concerns about dating, rejection, finding love, feeling loved, being intimate, and being accepted. It hurt me because those are the same exact fears I faced when I was 16 years old, during a time when real pressures of dating began. I didn’t think I would find anyone to love me. I didn’t think I would find anyone I was comfortable enough to reveal myself to.
I met my now ex-husband when I was 19 years old. We instantly fell for each other. I had dated others here and there before, but it was nothing like the experience I had had with him. Although the feels were electric, I still didn’t feel comfortable about sharing my struggles with psoriasis.
I remember playing the “question game” with him. Unbeknownst to him, it was my way of introducing my psoriasis. We asked questions back and forth, and one of the questions was something like, “If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?” That’s when I told him about my disease.
For me, the “question game” was always a good segway to my disease. He assured me that he didn’t care about my psoriasis and that he liked me for me. Relieved by his answer, we were slowly building trust.
It took a long time to become comfortable enough to show any parts of my body. I remember being at his house for a movie day and he persuaded me to put on a short sleeve shirt, which I reluctantly did. He kissed my spotted arm and told me he didn’t care about my psoriasis.
He saw the ugliest sides of my disease when my body was covered 90% with the disease, when I didn’t have access to medicine, when I refused to use topicals because I was sick and tired, and when I was moody and emotionally because of the anxiety of having a visible disease. When it came to my condition, we truly became one.
Although we decided to mutually go our separate ways (while remaining great friends)… Although our marriage “failed” in the eyes of most, I will always love and appreciate him for his undying support of my life with psoriasis. He never, not once, said anything hurtful about my psoriasis no matter how much I may have pissed him off.
If you are living with psoriasis and you are worried about finding love, I’m here to tell you it’s possible. Coming soon will be videos of couples on my blog where one or both of them are living with psoriasis and other chronic health challenges.
As a divorcee, sometimes old fears of being unlovable plague my mind, but I realize if I was able to find love and acceptance once before, I’m bound to find it again. Whatever flaw you may be dealing with I want you to know love is still possible, there is someone out there who is willing to work with you and love you regardless!
